Loser
by Tanicus Caesareth
Summary: Ash has to pick a certain redhead up from a bar very late at night. Hilarity ensues. Based off of the song "Loser" by Beck.
1. The Night Before

"Oh dear Arceus…"

The scene that unfolded before Ash wasn't a pretty one. It was 3:00 in the morning in a dingy bar that smelled like a mix of vomit and cheap liquor. The song "Loser" by Beck was quietly humming in the background, and it fit the scene fairly well. The place was just about empty other than a fat, middle-aged man in a sweaty wife beater, a miserable looking bartender, and a redhead drunk out of her mind. And by the looks of it, she wasn't the upbeat kind of drunk.

"Eyy, baby… Soy un perdedor, know what I'm sayin'? Heheheh…" the fat man said, repeating the words of the song that droned on through the bar as he leaned on the counter next to the drunken redhead. She gave an irritated growl in return.

"That means 'I'm a loser,'" the bartender said nasally, looking as if he were about to collapse from exhaustion. His eyes were bloodshot and half closed, and he barely even noticed Ash as he walked in. The bartender's glazed eyes slowly rolled over in his direction.

As if someone had given him a wicked pinch, the bartender perked up right away, ready and alert. "I'm sorry sir, we're closed. Pay no mind to her;" he said, eying over to the redhead in question with a slight pause. "I couldn't get her to move from that spot. She looked like she was about to claw my eyes out," he said with a nervous chuckle.

"What about that guy?" Ash said, pointing to the balding man in question. The man looked up and puffed his chest out.

"Whatcha gonna do abboud it?" he said, clearly putting on a tough guy act to impress the chick sitting on a barstool next to him.

She slumped over the counter, buried her hands in her arms, and sternly growled "Shaddap and go siddown." As if he were a child who had just been scolded by his parents, he sat down and twiddled his thumbs.

The bartender looked over at the man in the sweaty wife beater, whom was now behaving like a small child. "Oh yeah, him, yeah… Him… Ok, to be honest, I never even saw him come in here. Now look man, I wanna go home, so unless you know either one of these two and are here to take them home, you're gonna have to leave," he said as he returned to his slumped position.

"Yeah, I know this one right here. Come on, time to go home, Misty," Ash said as he put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a slight shake. "Get up. Come on, your sisters have been calling me for hours asking if you're alright."

"Oh, m-*hick*my sisters, eh?! They call YHOU, instead of, oh, I dunno, actually commin' down here *hick* themselves? Makes me sick. Like I dun even matter," Misty said miserably, her head still buried in her arms. The fat man patted her reassuringly on the back, only to earn a mean glare from Misty. He returned to twiddling his thumbs. Ash chuckled.

"They do care about you, Misty, but in case you've forgotten, they're away in a different region right now. They got worried because you weren't answering your phone. Now let's go home and get you to bed, it's three in the morning," Ash said, stifling his laughter and growing more serious. He was half angry with her for getting so wasted and half amused at how she was behaving.

"Whaddever, d'you think I can *hick* answer my Arceus-forsaken phone *hick* in this state?" Misty hissed, turning to face Ash. After a slight pause, she buried her head in her arms again and began to sob the lyrics of the song echoing through the lonely bar. "Sooooooy un perdedooooor…"

"Sing it out, sister!" the older man said with a chuckle, clapping his hands as if he were at a concert. Misty punched him in the gut, but her fist more or less bounced off.

"Misty, you're not a loser, you're just really, really, really drunk. Now let's. Go. Home." Ash said in a low tone, his patience beginning to run out. He had never really realized how hard it was to deal with a drunken person until now. Sure, his mom had gotten a little buzzed every now and again when he was little and he used to giggle about it and call her silly, but this was an entirely different league.

"Leme alone! I'm a drunken *hick* loser!" Misty wept bitterly.

"Ok, just talking clearly isn't going to work. Come on, Misty," Ash said as he picked her up and carried her out the door, chuckling and shaking his head as she flailed her arms like a Magikarp and yelled in drunken rage. He turned and gave a respectful nod to the bartender before he left.

The bartender perked up again. "Wait! You didn't pay your tab!" It was too late. The raven-haired man and the angry drunken redhead were already halfway down the block. He slumped down again and dosed off. He was so tired, he couldn't care less.

By the time Ash had gotten to his car, the drunken Misty had fallen asleep in his arms. With a sigh, he put her in the back seat and drove back to his apartment. With just his luck, Beck's "Loser" was playing on the radio during the drive home. He smiled as he heard Misty humming it in her sleep. He shook his head as he hummed the chorus right along with her.


	2. The Morning After

Misty slowly blinked her eyes open and looked around. Her vision was hazy and brighter than a Charmander's tail flame. As soon as she could see somewhat clearly, she sat up and looked around. Her head throbbed like a heart. "Eugh, what did I do last night? Oh Arceus, where am I?" she said groggily as she looked around the unfamiliar place she was in. She looked down and saw a raven-haired boy sleeping on the floor beside the couch she was laying on.

"Oh… It's just Ash's apartment. Whew!" she said with relief as she fell back onto the couch. She immediately regretted it right after. "Owww…" she moaned as she rubbed her temple.

"Well look who just woke up?" Ash said with a chuckle as he sat up and looked over at Misty. "So, how was your little excursion last night?"

"That's how I got here? Oh great…" Misty said embarrassedly as she put her hand over her eyes. Even though the blinds in the apartment were shut and the lights were off, it was still unbearably bright.

"So what happened?" Ash said in a sing-song voice, smiling from ear to ear. He did kind of feel sorry for her, but it was just too good of an opportunity to pass up.

"I don't wanna talk about it…"

"C'mon, Mist, I'm the one that drove your drunken behind home at three in the morning, and just getting you out of the bar in itself wasn't an easy task."

"Three in the morning?! You've gotta be kidding me!" Misty wailed, feeling disappointed and embarrassed and angry all at once. She felt like quite the loser. "I was just so worn out after work, I needed a drink… So I went down to The Teetering Seel and one thing lead to another and… The last thing I remember, I was in a drinking contest with some bimbo who looked too young to even drink alcohol," she said, kind of laughing at the last part. She looked over to Ash with sad eyes. "So what all did I do?"

"Well, let's see… You were complaining about how nobody cared about you and you punched some fat guy in the stomach, and you were singing that one song by Beck really off-key and drunk-like whilst sobbing like a madman," Ash said, looking up at the ceiling and smirking a bit.

"Yep, that all sounds like stuff drunk me would do. I guess it could have been worse," Misty replied with a nod. She closed her eyes and laid back, remembering how lucky she was to have a good friend like Ash. Not even ten seconds later, Ash started singing "Loser" in a mocking tone, trying to suppress his laughter. She whapped him on the face with a pillow; that shut him up pretty quick.

"Well, I _was_ going to make you some coffee, but since you're being so mean to me…" Ash trailed off, looking up at the ceiling thoughtfully. Misty glared down at him and growled. "Come on, Mist, use your words," he said, sticking out his tongue jokingly.

"Ashton Ketchum, if you do not go and make me some coffee within the next five seconds, I will have no choice but to beat you senseless until you do so," Misty said with a smile, but Ash was pretty sure she wasn't joking.

"Alright, alright, don't keep your panties in a bunch, I'll go brew some right now," Ash said as he stood up and went to the kitchen, feeling defeated. He didn't want to admit it, but even after all these years, he was still kind of afraid of her. Misty laid back triumphantly.

Yeah, she was lucky to have such a good friend. They were the perfect pair of losers.


End file.
